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The Globes Show We Wish We Could See

We'll admit it, we love the Golden Globes -- less an awards show than a raucous, alcohol-soaked party where the guests are famous and someone just happens to be handing out awards. But now the writers' strike has turned the show into a press conference. Sigh. We can't help but wonder what might have been, from the scandals to the red carpet nightmares to oh, the Ryan Seacrest-ness of it all ... Here's what would happen in our ideal Globes telecast.

The Globes Show We Wish We Could See

Bathroom Break

Katherine Heigl, hoping to repeat the good luck of past Globes winners Christine Lahti and Renée Zellweger, hides in a ladies' room stall until her name is announced.

The Globes Show We Wish We Could See

They Could Probably Beat Biden

George Clooney, while accepting his Best Actor in a Drama statue, calls Sean Penn up to the stage and announces their joint run for president.

The Globes Show We Wish We Could See

Here's the Skinny

Keira Knightley gets drunk and accidentally eats a sandwich. The entire thing.

The Globes Show We Wish We Could See

At Least She's Legal

Thirty-year-old Milo Ventimiglia and and his 18-year-old girlfriend Hayden Panettiere show up; everyone pretends not to be grossed out.

The Globes Show We Wish We Could See

He Heard a Rumer ...

Alec Baldwin, mistaking Miss Golden Globe 2008 Rumer Willis for his daughter Ireland, shrieks that Willis is a "thoughtless little pig."

The Globes Show We Wish We Could See

Seams Like Old Times

On the red carpet, Brad Pitt keeps his hand on Angelina Jolie's behind, sparking rumors -- and erroneous breaking-news headlines -- that her pants have split. Wishful thinking, fellas.

The Globes Show We Wish We Could See

Their Publicists Made Them Do It

Britney Spears and Amy Winehouse present the award for Best Song to 'Walk Hard' (at least that's what we think they said; they were kind of incoherent).

The Globes Show We Wish We Could See

Take That, Jack Palance

Julie Christie accepts her Best Actress in a Drama award by dropping to the stage and doing one-handed push-ups.

The Globes Show We Wish We Could See

Like a Goth to the Flame

Evan Rachel Wood and Marilyn Manson force everyone at their table to watch their sex tape -- err, music video -- on his iPod, assuring them that it's a beautiful and romantic expression of their love.

The Globes Show We Wish We Could See

It's an Honor Just to Be Nominated

We weren't sure she could do it, but Patricia Arquette retains her Worst-Dressed title for the third year running. That was the tie-breaker; we won our office poll -- YES!

The Globes Show We Wish We Could See

Seacrest, (Not) Out

Ryan Seacrest asserts his heterosexuality by hitting on Jodie Foster -- on the red carpet, at her table during the show, and in line for the after-party coat check. Um, Ryan ... you're not her type.

The Globes Show We Wish We Could See

Turnabout Is Fair Play

Before Steve Carell can accept his award for Best Actor in a TV Comedy, Ricky Gervais bounds onstage, hugs Stephen Colbert, and takes off running with the Globe.

The Globes Show We Wish We Could See

She Was Great in 'Sophie's Choice'

Joan Rivers calls to Glenn Close passing by on the red carpet by shouting out, "Meryl, darling, you look fabulous. Who are you wearing?"

The Globes Show We Wish We Could See

Green Day

The gift bag committee decides to "go green" this year, and fills hundreds of "I'm Not a Plastic Bag" totes with cash.

The Globes Show We Wish We Could See

Life Imitates 'The Sopranos'

'Sopranos' star Michael Imperioli slugs Lauren Hutton and takes off with her gift bag.

The Globes Show We Wish We Could See

Plastic Is Fantastic

'Lars and the Real Girl' star Ryan Gosling brings a blow-up doll -- and her mom -- as his date to the Globes.

The Globes Show We Wish We Could See

It's Just Like Little League

After weeks of deliberation, the vote for Best Picture - Drama ends in a seven-way tie.

The Globes Show We Wish We Could See

... And Then They Went Clubbing

Isaiah Washington, banned from the 'Grey's Anatomy' table, is seated with Ryan Seacrest, Tom Cruise and John Travolta instead.

Golden Globes: The Show We Wish We Could See

Recent Comments (162)

Report This! Crosbyhenry
02/22/2008 07:09 PM

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Report This! MBZykan
01/28/2008 02:02 PM

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Report This! Patbecvar
01/14/2008 11:19 PM

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Report This! Scent of Lilac
01/14/2008 12:05 PM

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Report This! RSpot666
01/14/2008 10:42 AM

I can't get past #9...........?

Report This! BeLLaDKNY
01/14/2008 08:39 AM

guess 4months, 3weeks andays should have won something

Report This! SantaFe602
01/13/2008 09:23 PM

that's just rude moviefone to say about keira knightley!!!!!!!! i think i've heard enough about her body weight, and she deserves more recognition for her talent and not her body.

Report This! Mezgoespostal
01/13/2008 07:36 PM

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Report This! GABBYEVAN1414392
01/13/2008 07:26 PM

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Report This! Daisya37
01/13/2008 06:15 PM

She looks like a crack head to me

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