Why 'Pirates' Is the New 'Star Wars'

'Pirates' vs. 'Star Wars'

Is it just us, or do the 'Pirates' films and the original 'Star Wars' trilogy have a whole lot more in common than their ability to rake in the box office booty? We trolled the depths of our cinematic knowledge to illuminate 12 very eerie similarities between the two blockbuster franchises.

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1. Swaggering Cads

If Han Solo (Harrison Ford) drank a bit more rum, wore eyeliner and didn't brush his teeth, he'd be Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp). These two dashing rogues make the ladies weak in the knees, talk a great game and look out for No. 1 -- yet still manage to defy expectations and always come through in the clutch.

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2. True-Hearted Heroes

The Force is strong with Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) -- and Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), the gooey moral centers of their respective universes. Both are clean-cut, boyishly handsome lads who always do the right thing, never knew their dads and are pretty proficient with a saber -- whether it's of the metal or light variety.

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3. Fiery Females

Think of Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) as Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher), but with better hair. Just as Leia chokes Jabba and takes a bullet for Han, the equally strong-spirited Elizabeth talks smack to Barbossa and uses her sword to kick plenty of pirate ass. Sadly, unlike Leia in 'Jedi,' she never dons a bikini.

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4. Love Triangles

In both trilogies, the true-hearted hero and the swaggering cad want to bed the fiery female. Thankfully, Leia picks Han in 'Star Wars,' thus avoiding a case of galactic incest (poor Luke). In 'Pirates,' Elizabeth loves Will, but finds herself strangely attracted to Jack -- proving that chicks dig guys in mascara.

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5. Daddy Issues

Luke and Will grew up never knowing their fathers, and when they do finally meet them the revelations rock their world. Luke's pops is none other than his mortal enemy Darth Vader (James Earl Jones), while Will's is Bootstrap Bill (Stellan Skarsgard), an indentured member of Davy Jones' crew. Oh, the irony!

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6. Ugly Antagonists

The tentacle-faced Davy Jones (Bill Nighy) and the amorphous blob of lard known as Jabba the Hut share more in common than vile souls and hideous countenances: Davy is after Jack to cash in an I.O.U. for a lifetime of servitude, and Jabba has a crew of bounty hunters combing the galaxy for the debt-owing Han Solo.

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7. Wise Weirdos

Like Yoda (Frank Oz), Tia Dalma (Naomie Harris) can see the future, spouts pearls of wisdom using strange grammar, boasts a Force-like mastery of magic (she brought Barbossa back to life) and has a general distaste for personal hygiene. In essence, she's a taller, less green, slightly sexier version of Yoda.

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8. Vile Vessels

In 'Star Wars,' the Empire's Death Star leaves a trail of disintegrated planets and, of course, death in its wake. In 'Pirates,' that honor falls to Davy Jones' ship the Flying Dutchman. With the Kraken trolling the depths at Jones' behest, the Dutchman has turned terror on the high seas into an art form.

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9. Not-So-Smart Natives

Sure, the Ewoks are cute and cuddly, but intelligence is not their forte. After all, they mistake motor-mouthed C-3P0 (Anthony Daniels) for a god in 'Return of the Jedi.' The same goes for the natives who deify Jack in 'Dead Man's Chest' -- although they want to roast him. At least the Ewoks don't eat their gods.

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10. Crazy Cliffhangers

'The Empire Strikes Back' set the precedent for downer open endings: Luke's father is Vader!? Han is frozen in carbonite!? What's going to happen next?! Similarly, 'Dead Man's Chest' leaves Jack's fate in doubt (Did the Kraken really eat him?) and drops a bomb (Barbossa is still alive!). It's cruel -- but we love it.

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11. Daring Rescues

The third film in each trilogy begins with a heroic rescue mission. In 'Jedi,' Luke and co. travel to the edge of the galaxy to rip Han from Jabba's disgusting clutches. And in 'At Worlds End,' Will and Elizabeth sail to the ends of the Earth to bring Jack back from Davy Jones' locker. Hey, that's what friends are for.

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12. Gung-Ho Fans

Dressing up as Luke Skywalker or Darth Vader has never been an activity relegated to kids on Halloween. As recently as 2005, grown men flocked to theaters in full Jedi regalia. Same goes for 'Pirates,' with men -- and women -- donning Jack's pirate garb and, of course, plenty of eyeliner.

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